Ellie (erzsebet) wrote,

I feel like explaining some things

I had someone tell me that someone's negative view of me had impacted their impression of me. It has me wondering how many other people that's happened with. How many other people dislike me based on what this person says about me? How many people have gotten a distorted view of me based on how someone who is emotionally involved has talked about me?
In June I sent a screencap of a conversation from Gryffindor's Chatzy room to Jess, who was prefect. The screencap showed her co-prefect at the time as well as a now former member of Gryffindor cheating in the activity Jess was hosting for Gryffindor that Hogsmeade, a scavenger hunt. The former member was guessing general locations for the clues and then the co-prefect was providing direct links to the answers. The co-prefect was also providing extra clues to locations, little hints to help this member max out. The co-prefect said she was searching for them legitimately, however she also had access to a Google doc which listed all the answers.
This was cheating. This was the co-prefect abusing her position. The intentions may have been to help, but the result was a dishonesty. This was also done in the chat, not private messages. Meaning anyone who had the link to the chat could enter and they would have available to them the ability to max out the scavenger hunt without putting in any work. In short, the co-prefect was potentially helping any Gryffindor member to cheat.
So yes, I screencapped it. I sent the cap to Jess, who was hosting the activity. Jess forwarded it to the hih mods. The hih mods made the final decision that it was cheating and handed out the punishments they felt necessary. Jess was not part of their conversation, nor was I. And yet Jess and I are the ones this co-prefect has decided to hate for this situation.
I applied for, and took up, the co-prefect position after this event. There was nothing vindictive meant in my applying. The application I applied with, actually, was edited from one I had already started weeks earlier for the following term. I had started to enjoy the community again and wanted to play a more active role. It wasn't a slight at her and it definitely wasn't an attempt to make her feel uninvited in the house. I've been in the position of feeling unwelcome in a house. I know how that feels. I don't want someone else to feel that way.
For the rest of that term this person continued to be bitter and hostile towards myself and Jess. She passive-aggressively called us names and posted snide remarks about us on her Twitter. She began to take her bitterness towards us against the entire house through her Daily Prophet articles.* She stopped socializing in house social posts, instead reverting to bad mouthing our attempts. She began to hold grudges against people who spoke to her about this and defended us. And through this all we attempted everything from overly friendly behavior to distantly polite diplomacy.
Nothing appeased her. Nothing yet has. I was hoping she would let go of the past, hakuna matata and all that, since it happened three months ago. That's a long time to hold a grudge. I've tried to explain it away by her age, by differences in how we were raised, but those excuses don't mean I understand her reasoning at this point. And if her reasons are as full of hate as some of the things she's said, I don't think I want to know them. But I have tried to almost a stubborn extent to right things with her. I'd like to right things with her.
I hope posting this doesn't worsen the situation, but it's hard to imagine what "worse" would even look like. It's been hard to push through and participate, to be enthusiastic and friendly, knowing that what she says where I can see is probably nothing compared to what I can't see. Knowing that she's loved by so many members - and knowing that love and friendship probably means those same people hate me for this. That they may even hate me for things I'm not even aware of, other things she has said. Ideal would be that people who she's talked to about it all will read this and see another point of view. Whether they choose to acknowledge it is up to them, of course, but I felt I needed to get this out there where it was available.

*Though I will say, the initial one for this term was less depressing to read. I appreciated that a lot, and I hope it continues. I love reading the sections for all the houses and getting that little glimpse into the other houses. Seeing a Gryffindor section that was bitter, that didn't mention half the things we were doing, was hard to read when placed alongside the enthusiasm of the other houses.

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